Trying

Okay so I have bearly slept so many thoughts are runing through my head.
I am feeling someone's pain... not sure who..
This is a very trying time for me right now, because I have no clue what to think or even
know what is going on.
That is hard, hard as hell to surrender my will to the unknown.
To truly live day today.. It's a if i feel my heart shifting inside my chest, growing in a different way.
Beating and making space to allow somone it.
But my head it fights it for logic and reason and purpose.

I can not stand that emotion... love pre love, adoration.
It is an uncontrollable thing it makes me crazy!
I did'nt think i was such a control freak but ah yes I am. I need to know what comes next. right now I don't and I don't like it.

I don't like it but im trying
I want to force the issue, call for a conversation, and get answers but im trying
I am trying to remain calm, and I am trying to trust a little bit.
I don't want my past to control how I think of the future.